On quite a few occassions I have seen a decent looking new girl. Sometimes she is in the bus and I'm in the bus stand. Sometimes its the other way. Sometimes she is on a 2-wheeler and I'm walking. Sometimes its the other way. I havnt ofcourse 'accosted' any of these in my life time, but very often have rehearsed what my first line would be, if at all I garner all my guts to do so. The stress is on if at all, and this tragically stresses my heart. What an ultra-low confidence dud I am. Confidence or not, I have even mono-acted my words and the reaction from the other side. And no guesses, the reaction is without exception, always a cryogenic shoulder (an ultra ultra cold one, that is).
A few of the two way short conversations are like:
Me : Hi, can I talk to you for a minute please.
She: Ok. Your time starts now.
I beat my previous sprint record.
Me : Hi, I am ..
She : So.
Run!!
Me : I have been seeing you in the bus stand for a while now. My mind is totally troubled. I..
She : no she. the bus has already left.
Me : Hi, buy me a pizza.
She : You confused desi.
Phataack! there goes the one-tight-slap
Me : Hi, will you marry me?
She : Ofcourse, I wont!
And I was thinking my other cheek would be spared. Duh..
Me : Hi, can I drop you somewhere.
She : Buzz off.
I avoid eye contact with the she standing next to her.
My favourite only me and no she :
Hi, I am Josh. Sam Josh.
And finally, a dream sequence.
Hi. I am (that would be my name). I live in ( that would be my place). I work for (my company). I studied in (my college). I own a (that is my bike). I also have a (my car). I do (some arbit stuff). And I dont have a self-image, confidence and good looks.
She kneels, raises both hands to the sky, and sings(apparently a Shaggy fan), "Why him Lord!".
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
New note-book, new promise
I have been asking for new notebooks from my group admin for all 'office' related writing stuff at regular intervals for the past year or so that I have been employed here. Have 3 of those in my possession now. All total pseud notebooks I must say, with hard bind and gently colourful pictures on the front cover. And each time I have managed to get one with a different picture. This time I asked for one on 6th, for some in-house Data Converters training course. It says 'FOCUS', with 2 darts, red and yellow, sharing a bull's eye. Why 2 darts? Beats me. I guess it goes to show that in this fiercely competitive corporate world, my focus alone wont help. Everybody around also needs to be focussed, to have any sorta competitive advantage over our 'foes'. So I deciphered from the 2 darts picture. What funda man! Clap clap. I like yellow, so those around me are red.
My childlike enthusiasm for 'inaugurating' a new notebook seems undying. Especially when it happpens to be a pseud hard bound book such as this new one, the thrill knows no bounds. I dont see it, but I do feel that grin of satisfaction on myself. So whats in a new notebook that so enlivens my spirits?
* Firstly, I'm using something that nobody has ever used before.
* The touch, the smell, the look of a new book in themselves are things of joy. It feels good to see something so fresh and unspoilt with immaculate edges and spotless surfaces. Absolute beauty!
* On a personal note, its those petty promises that I make and wait to see if those are fulfilled or the book is fully filled first.
This new book, I have promised myself to gain atleast some insight into the theory behind the functioning of Data Converters, one topic that was so conviniently not taught in the hallowed classrooms of IIT Chennai. What was taught then? Exactly the things that I never learnt...
My childlike enthusiasm for 'inaugurating' a new notebook seems undying. Especially when it happpens to be a pseud hard bound book such as this new one, the thrill knows no bounds. I dont see it, but I do feel that grin of satisfaction on myself. So whats in a new notebook that so enlivens my spirits?
* Firstly, I'm using something that nobody has ever used before.
* The touch, the smell, the look of a new book in themselves are things of joy. It feels good to see something so fresh and unspoilt with immaculate edges and spotless surfaces. Absolute beauty!
* On a personal note, its those petty promises that I make and wait to see if those are fulfilled or the book is fully filled first.
This new book, I have promised myself to gain atleast some insight into the theory behind the functioning of Data Converters, one topic that was so conviniently not taught in the hallowed classrooms of IIT Chennai. What was taught then? Exactly the things that I never learnt...
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
OK then.. tell me your dreams..
What Asimov said:
"....I once dreamed I was in a hotel,attending a physics convention. I was with ol' friends.Everything seemed quite normal.Suddenly, there was a confusion of shouting and for no reason at all I grew panicky.I ran to the door but it wouldn't open. One by one my friends disappeared. They had no leaving the room, but I couldnt see how they managed it. I shouted at them but they ignored me.
It was borne on me that that the hotel was on fire. I didnt smeel smoke. I just knew there was a fire. I ran to the window and I could see a fire escape on the outside of the building. I ran to each window in turn but none led to the escape. I was quite alone in the room now. I leaned out of the window, calling desperately. No one heard me.
Then the fire engines were coming, little red smears darting along the streets. I remember clearly. The alarm bells clanged sharply to clear traffic. I could hear them louder and louder till the sound was splitting my skull. I awoke and, of course, the alarm clock was ringing. Now I couldnt have dreamed a long dream designed to arrive at the moment of the alarm clock ring in a way that builds the alarm neatly into the fabric of the dream. It is much more reasonable to suppose that the dream began at the moment the alarm began and crammed all its sensation of duration into a split second. It was just a hurry-up device of my brain to explain this sudden noise that penetrated the silence...."
What I have to say:
Well every human dreams of situations as vague as this only to find out, on being fully conscious, that the dream wasnt all that uncorrelated to the scheme of events in reality. However, these occur in, as picturised above, such short a duration of time, that we more often than not, have only a nebulous memory (is it memory?) that we can relate to later. Atleast for me, the arduous task of putting down the same on paper and even going to the extent of analysing it, is a hard thing to digest.
Nevertheless, here you are, confronted with one marvelous psychedelic dream sequence retold by one of the 'wildest' thinkers of yesteryears, Isaac Asimov. As far as I am concerned, there is no story or event or even a hazy fascination, however intriging and laden with complexites it might be, that Asimov cannot explain. My salutes to this master story teller.
And as for the bulk, of which I am a mute part, we can only read and say, "how true!!".
"....I once dreamed I was in a hotel,attending a physics convention. I was with ol' friends.Everything seemed quite normal.Suddenly, there was a confusion of shouting and for no reason at all I grew panicky.I ran to the door but it wouldn't open. One by one my friends disappeared. They had no leaving the room, but I couldnt see how they managed it. I shouted at them but they ignored me.
It was borne on me that that the hotel was on fire. I didnt smeel smoke. I just knew there was a fire. I ran to the window and I could see a fire escape on the outside of the building. I ran to each window in turn but none led to the escape. I was quite alone in the room now. I leaned out of the window, calling desperately. No one heard me.
Then the fire engines were coming, little red smears darting along the streets. I remember clearly. The alarm bells clanged sharply to clear traffic. I could hear them louder and louder till the sound was splitting my skull. I awoke and, of course, the alarm clock was ringing. Now I couldnt have dreamed a long dream designed to arrive at the moment of the alarm clock ring in a way that builds the alarm neatly into the fabric of the dream. It is much more reasonable to suppose that the dream began at the moment the alarm began and crammed all its sensation of duration into a split second. It was just a hurry-up device of my brain to explain this sudden noise that penetrated the silence...."
What I have to say:
Well every human dreams of situations as vague as this only to find out, on being fully conscious, that the dream wasnt all that uncorrelated to the scheme of events in reality. However, these occur in, as picturised above, such short a duration of time, that we more often than not, have only a nebulous memory (is it memory?) that we can relate to later. Atleast for me, the arduous task of putting down the same on paper and even going to the extent of analysing it, is a hard thing to digest.
Nevertheless, here you are, confronted with one marvelous psychedelic dream sequence retold by one of the 'wildest' thinkers of yesteryears, Isaac Asimov. As far as I am concerned, there is no story or event or even a hazy fascination, however intriging and laden with complexites it might be, that Asimov cannot explain. My salutes to this master story teller.
And as for the bulk, of which I am a mute part, we can only read and say, "how true!!".
Enough - III : Enough of enough
Actually in the last post I intended to express some thoughts about Sachin but it only went that much more in corroborating the self-centred content that my posts exhibit.
Good for him that he opted out of upcoming test series against Zimbabwe. I guess he wouldn't be playing the ICC Super Series either Talking about this series, I feel the one day squad is absolute junk. Why Gibbs and Pollock eh? And why Sachin at all! They are no way the best in business now. A deeper inquisition will reveal that its actually a tough task to build a World XI team without Australian players in it. What with the abyssmal show the Aussies have put up this Ashes, the World XI will still be far from being the best the cricketing history has seen, even if they are considered. For an aficianado like myself, its the right time for a hiatus from the game. With the TNT Cup around the corner, I'll be well advised to concentrate more on my personal cricketing skills (which has gone to dogs) than harp on mal-nourished cricketing talent elsewhere.
Back to what I was thinking. Ya, Sachin! Now here is one man, no, super-man,(he and I cant belong to the same species) who is just the antithesis of whatever my existence means. For lack of options, if some one asked me my role-model in the past, I would say Sachin. I never had one, but he came close to being one. Digression again : Funny na, the way these Miss World/Miss Universe contestants so glibly make Mother Teresa or Kiran Bedi or Wangari Maathai their role-models with not an iota of conviction in their words. Ok. I had my go at these !@#$% and I am relieved.
Back to Sachin. Statistics is on his side, but not age anymore. Sad. But what on earth is the force that drives him to accomplish anything further than what he already has!!?? And how or why is he motivated to be fighting fit as soon as possible and be back to his tormenting ways on the field? If I were him (at some novice stage in life I had wished so. Not anymore), I would be more than happy to concentrate the rest of my life on my culinary interests and take care of my children and wife. But our man still wants to make news. Making news, I guess, is just an outcome of his unfaltering craze and passion for the game.
Why am I not.. Certain questions are best left open. Better unanswered. Still better, unpondered over. Even better, not discussed any further. Enough of 'Enough'.
HELP!! WHERE AND HOW DO I EDIT COMMENTS??
Good for him that he opted out of upcoming test series against Zimbabwe. I guess he wouldn't be playing the ICC Super Series either Talking about this series, I feel the one day squad is absolute junk. Why Gibbs and Pollock eh? And why Sachin at all! They are no way the best in business now. A deeper inquisition will reveal that its actually a tough task to build a World XI team without Australian players in it. What with the abyssmal show the Aussies have put up this Ashes, the World XI will still be far from being the best the cricketing history has seen, even if they are considered. For an aficianado like myself, its the right time for a hiatus from the game. With the TNT Cup around the corner, I'll be well advised to concentrate more on my personal cricketing skills (which has gone to dogs) than harp on mal-nourished cricketing talent elsewhere.
Back to what I was thinking. Ya, Sachin! Now here is one man, no, super-man,(he and I cant belong to the same species) who is just the antithesis of whatever my existence means. For lack of options, if some one asked me my role-model in the past, I would say Sachin. I never had one, but he came close to being one. Digression again : Funny na, the way these Miss World/Miss Universe contestants so glibly make Mother Teresa or Kiran Bedi or Wangari Maathai their role-models with not an iota of conviction in their words. Ok. I had my go at these !@#$% and I am relieved.
Back to Sachin. Statistics is on his side, but not age anymore. Sad. But what on earth is the force that drives him to accomplish anything further than what he already has!!?? And how or why is he motivated to be fighting fit as soon as possible and be back to his tormenting ways on the field? If I were him (at some novice stage in life I had wished so. Not anymore), I would be more than happy to concentrate the rest of my life on my culinary interests and take care of my children and wife. But our man still wants to make news. Making news, I guess, is just an outcome of his unfaltering craze and passion for the game.
Why am I not.. Certain questions are best left open. Better unanswered. Still better, unpondered over. Even better, not discussed any further. Enough of 'Enough'.
HELP!! WHERE AND HOW DO I EDIT COMMENTS??
Enough - II
I was just browsing through Eminem's 8 Mile lyrics.
"..I'm a man, I'ma make a new plan
Time for me to just stand up, and travel new land
Time for me to just take matters into my own hands
Once I'm over these tracks man I'ma never look back
And I'm gone, I know right where I'm goin
Sorry momma I'm grown, I must travel alone
ain't gon' follow the footsteps I'm making my own.."
Reflects much of my own thoughts and words in the previous post, doesnt it? No wonder I'm such a great fan of Saint Eminem.
"..I'm a man, I'ma make a new plan
Time for me to just stand up, and travel new land
Time for me to just take matters into my own hands
Once I'm over these tracks man I'ma never look back
And I'm gone, I know right where I'm goin
Sorry momma I'm grown, I must travel alone
ain't gon' follow the footsteps I'm making my own.."
Reflects much of my own thoughts and words in the previous post, doesnt it? No wonder I'm such a great fan of Saint Eminem.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Enough - I
If someday I were to be at the helm of affairs at TI India, my complacency would know no bounds. What else would be left to acheive in life eh? But even without getting any close to that position I already have a smug look so early in life. Somebody once said, "Wah Sameer babu! naya ghar, nayee gaadi, nayee biwi. Badiya hain!'(I still dont have the first one and the last, let it remain the last thing I develop interest in). And I will scream my throat out that I AM ENJOYING THIS.
Sometimes complacency helps. Especially when you desperately want to enjoy the NOW. When I was in 9th, people said (people who cared), one more year and then you can enjoy. So slog. After 10th, 2 more years and then you are the king. So slog again. Then undergraduation, 4 more years and life is yours. Continue slogging. Life will never be the same with a postgrad degree and a doctorate. So.. shut up! No more of this. I have drawn the line. There seems to be no limit to dreaming big. And everyone around me, except myself, seems to know when and where I am supposed to do what. Hello! I have seen almost a third of my life and its a miserable fact that I have only been 'existing' and not 'living'. Its high time I did something about this, now. My mom still feels sad that I'm here in B'lore earning a living and not elsewhere, doing a darned MS. Sorry mom, but I have taken control of my life.
I am happy with what I am and what I have. And I have my reasons to be that way. Say I do an MS (from my sis I have learnt, you dont 'do' an MS, you slog for one). What next. A PhD. OK. What next. Then a job in a leading semiconductor company. Then where am I now! I will stick to this Sprite funda. Atleast I'm in my home town now, but if I am to venture into any of those big contrived dreams, I will be stuck in one of Bush's addas at Dallas or Austin for life. Yuck! that is the last thing I would be interested in doing (the penultimate thing i.e. The last thing will still be getting a nayee biwi).
Right now, I'm more than happy to sit in the confines of my 5X5 cubicle and surf, chat, blog, read, listen to music, drink lemon tea, and at times, work and get paid. I believe this is a direct outcome of whatever I did and brooked for 8-9 consecutive years. Mabbe a training in music, a long journey with a good book as my sole journey mate will add some more spice to life, and this will soon happen. But I wont look for anything beyond this for the time being atleast. Call it lack of direction or motivation, but this is life royale and I'm living it king size.
Sometimes complacency helps. Especially when you desperately want to enjoy the NOW. When I was in 9th, people said (people who cared), one more year and then you can enjoy. So slog. After 10th, 2 more years and then you are the king. So slog again. Then undergraduation, 4 more years and life is yours. Continue slogging. Life will never be the same with a postgrad degree and a doctorate. So.. shut up! No more of this. I have drawn the line. There seems to be no limit to dreaming big. And everyone around me, except myself, seems to know when and where I am supposed to do what. Hello! I have seen almost a third of my life and its a miserable fact that I have only been 'existing' and not 'living'. Its high time I did something about this, now. My mom still feels sad that I'm here in B'lore earning a living and not elsewhere, doing a darned MS. Sorry mom, but I have taken control of my life.
I am happy with what I am and what I have. And I have my reasons to be that way. Say I do an MS (from my sis I have learnt, you dont 'do' an MS, you slog for one). What next. A PhD. OK. What next. Then a job in a leading semiconductor company. Then where am I now! I will stick to this Sprite funda. Atleast I'm in my home town now, but if I am to venture into any of those big contrived dreams, I will be stuck in one of Bush's addas at Dallas or Austin for life. Yuck! that is the last thing I would be interested in doing (the penultimate thing i.e. The last thing will still be getting a nayee biwi).
Right now, I'm more than happy to sit in the confines of my 5X5 cubicle and surf, chat, blog, read, listen to music, drink lemon tea, and at times, work and get paid. I believe this is a direct outcome of whatever I did and brooked for 8-9 consecutive years. Mabbe a training in music, a long journey with a good book as my sole journey mate will add some more spice to life, and this will soon happen. But I wont look for anything beyond this for the time being atleast. Call it lack of direction or motivation, but this is life royale and I'm living it king size.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
I will quit cribbing
They built the Golden Gate Bridge in under 3 years. Its been over 3 years now and the first few iron girders have just been laid for the Airport Road flyover. Speaks volumes about execution, the lack of it rather, doesnt it? Two state governments are involved here: namma Karnataka and UP(of all statees!!), with one trying to beat the other in all spheres of incompetence, ineffeciency, aimlessness and disorganisation.
Heard private-public partnership(PPP they call it) is in the air now. Be it water supply, road laying, airport building or any other public service project, both the central and many state govts seek private assistance and involvement. Technical assistance is understandable. But I am in a bit of a dark comprehending the financial aspect of it. Are governments really money-starved? If yes, then where does 30% of my hard earned money go (agreed I'm jobless these days, but my salary doesnt come easy nevertheless)? My money apart, isnt it just a matter of printing more notes and disbursing it for these projects? Why get into this seemingly pointless haggling on who gets what and how much from the investment? Has the government become more of a business organisation than a caretaker?
I will harp on the printing issue (more of a solution than issue) more. Its been troubling me for quite some time now. If money is at the center of all development issues and the govt has an ostensible shortage of funds, then why should it be a crime to print more currencies with the sole purpose of betterment of life? Nobody should object, atleast I wont.For one, I prophesy the principle of live and let live(I observe the Congress rulers are adept at this. You eat I eat and let people also enjoy). And why should anyone be against development? Some economics prof might lecture me on supply demand balance and all, but he hasnt seen the every evening plight on Airport Road that I have.
I sound silly but I'm earnestly pissed. If only things were to be as simple as i expect them to be, I would have been using The Flyover quite happily for more than a year now. But there is no point playing the blame game here, is there? What I endure is what I mutely acquiesce. For all I do is crib and continue designing some vague mixed signal circuit for a cell phone and pray some fool would buy the same in the near future. My contribution to anything other than myself is zilch at best. And candidly I have no motivation or interest to go beyond this domain. So I would rather shut up and watch the show. And surreptitiously pray that someday TI moves its base to Vijayanagar.
Heard private-public partnership(PPP they call it) is in the air now. Be it water supply, road laying, airport building or any other public service project, both the central and many state govts seek private assistance and involvement. Technical assistance is understandable. But I am in a bit of a dark comprehending the financial aspect of it. Are governments really money-starved? If yes, then where does 30% of my hard earned money go (agreed I'm jobless these days, but my salary doesnt come easy nevertheless)? My money apart, isnt it just a matter of printing more notes and disbursing it for these projects? Why get into this seemingly pointless haggling on who gets what and how much from the investment? Has the government become more of a business organisation than a caretaker?
I will harp on the printing issue (more of a solution than issue) more. Its been troubling me for quite some time now. If money is at the center of all development issues and the govt has an ostensible shortage of funds, then why should it be a crime to print more currencies with the sole purpose of betterment of life? Nobody should object, atleast I wont.For one, I prophesy the principle of live and let live(I observe the Congress rulers are adept at this. You eat I eat and let people also enjoy). And why should anyone be against development? Some economics prof might lecture me on supply demand balance and all, but he hasnt seen the every evening plight on Airport Road that I have.
I sound silly but I'm earnestly pissed. If only things were to be as simple as i expect them to be, I would have been using The Flyover quite happily for more than a year now. But there is no point playing the blame game here, is there? What I endure is what I mutely acquiesce. For all I do is crib and continue designing some vague mixed signal circuit for a cell phone and pray some fool would buy the same in the near future. My contribution to anything other than myself is zilch at best. And candidly I have no motivation or interest to go beyond this domain. So I would rather shut up and watch the show. And surreptitiously pray that someday TI moves its base to Vijayanagar.
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