Haunted

Some time last year our CEO made this statement at one of the annual stockholders meet:
"The world of communications and entertainment is driving an opportunity of maybe up to 10 devices per person, compared to one device per person in the PC era. Just take a look around and count them - a cell phone, a digital camera, a game player, a broadband connection, an iPod and so forth. If you have any doubt, find your nearest teenager - you're looking at the future."

Yes! I am looking at MY bright future. And what about the teenager's? Game player + cell phone with music player + iPod - a perfect concoction for his doomsday preparations. If I were to be the CEO and I had teenage son, these are just the things I would keep him away from, atleast until I start feeling that he really deserves any of these. But seriously, do the present day teens really need to possess any of these? Is it the age for 'entertainment'?

Somehow, my CEO's stress on cashing on entertainment seems to be a repelling idea, more so because I feel he is targetting the wrong audience. I believe its not just him chanting the mantra. The whole semiconductor industry is on this path - coax a rich dad into buying a 3G, 3.5G phone, for his undeserving son, loaded with every possible entertainment circuitry ever concieved by a geeky EE engineer. Agreed, every party is happy in this deal. But dont we see some long term losers here? Are we so deeply engrossed in our money making spree that we feel not a pang of guilt when we make lofty statements like "find your nearest teenager - you're looking at the future"?

This thought sometimes makes me abhor circuit design, as is the case right now. All my transcievers, phase locked loops, regulators, references are soon going to sit in some NOKIA mobile's audio, camera or display interfaces that will eventually land in the hands of one such teenager.

God save him.

This industry is akin to child labour. Only there, some mean person is cashing on the direct physical involvement of a child and here, however tangential it might seem, we are exploiting the mental suppleness of one. Just because we have moved from the physical to the mental domain doesnt make this industry very different from human trafficking. So I am going to quit this industry, whose foundation is anything but ethical, and search for one that is more humanitarian. NICE TRY! Not in the near future do I see this industry going bust. If I dont screw my child's future, some one else will. So, no point in making a foolish sacrifice. A distorted future is better than no future.

As an aside, talking about someone deserving something, I had this encounter on Monday on Cubbon Road. As I reached an intersection, the signal turned red and the 180 seconds countdown started. I was on my Zma. By my side stopped a Bajaj ChetakX. The gentleman on the scooter started thouroughly started examining my bike. CAK XXXX was his bike number. One side of his helmet's wiper had come off the hinge. An old tattered black bag hung from the hook in the front. Surely a dowry material. I developed an instant disliking for all of his body parts. I gave him the position of a third rate sub-registrar office clerk in KR Puram. He started it.

"Yeshtu Saar idu (How much is this?)"
"85K"

Some more technical details I gave him.

"My son, only this bike wants. College ge hogallvante idilla andre"(wont go to college if he doenst get one).

I had this sudden rush of blood to my head.

"Idu naan togonDiddu. Nammappa koDslilla. Idanna oDsakke yogyate beku". (I bought this. Not my dad. I bought this because I DESERVE this bike).

This reply made me immensely proud. Hope that sonofagun never goes to college.

OK. Back to work now. I am not paid to believe in the power of my thoughts.

In pursuit of happiness..

Irked with corporeal resolutions and subsequent ineffectiveness in the previous years, when 06 ceased to exist, I adopted the last line from Max Ehrmann's Desiderata as my resolution for 07. Three months into it, its time to retrospect.

I have a reason, right now, not to be happy. And that is because retrospection returned dismal results. Let alone striving to be happy, I havent even made an effort not be sad. Till mid Feb I was too busy to be happy. Mid Feb to end Feb I was sad that my project got scrapped. Since Mar started, I am not happy because I have work again.

Moving from retrospection to introspection, is it really WORK that has stopped me from being happy? Everybody knows how workaholic I am (not). I barely manage to clock those 40 mandatory hours per week that the work place demands. So it really cant be work that is working against my resolution. And I spend around 60 hrs/week on bed, devoid of all human feelings.

Stepping outside my boots, as an onlooker, I think I have reasons to feel good once in a while. My parents are proud that I will be in possession of a HOME SWEET HOME before I turn 25. They are so elated that I single handedly arranged for a loan, completed all formalities, and even got the property registered in my name. Some other year, some other planet, I would have basked in this small glory that I have cornered, but right now, right here, I am not happy about any of this.


I worked assiduously on my patent, as a primary inventor, drawing self explanatory figures, deriving comprehensive equations, surveying literature to see if I had infringed on any existing patents, discussed, ruminated, and submitted the draft for review. It might not make it, thats a different thing. If I were to do the same set of things an year ago, at the end of it all, I would have had to try hard to contain the immense satisfaction and contentment the process would have given me. But last week, I logged out, saying good riddance and havent cared to follow up on it ever since.


I have shown enough diligence and regularly played my guitar for some time now. I can croon along as I play it. I used to lose myelf in it completely some time back. But now, its become more of a formal proceeding. I stop the moment my fingers start aching, 'cus paining myself for perfection doesnt make me happy any more.

Can some one be passionate about something and still not be happy doing it? I still remember those days when I used to wait for 3:30 p.m to strike. Then with all the zeal I could garner, I would head to the gym to bleed some unadulterated sweat. Awesome fun that WAS. And now, more often than not, I carry a lot of garbled thoughts along, and wont even realise when I start and when I am all sweat. The conviction exists. No doubt about that. But happiness. Z i l c h.

Cricket! I have lived for this game. I have spent long minutes conceptualising those perfect inswingers. I used to be proud of my unflinching commitment for the game. But with nobody around to share this passion, happiness has fast disappeared.


Neither am I cribbing nor am I looking for answers. I feel sleepless this night and feel like experiencing some misery. And so this post. Some wise dood told me to pursue my passions relentlessly to keep myself occupied and hence sanguine. Occupied I am, Sir, but devoid of sanguinity...

This weekend I am definitely going to try and get some motivation from Will Smith.

Wish I was a Pardesi..

Last night on my way back home I somehow felt like taking a short cut through the non-existent main road of Michealpalya. A part of this road, the end from where you exit to join 180 ft road, used to be a one way some time back. But some vexed commuters recently uprooted the board that hinted at this. The road cant actually handle two way traffic, but travailing on this for a few minutes is any day better than getting stuck at the eternally jammed Suranjan Das Raod and Old Madras Road junction. Having said this, I usually avoid this short cut.

But, as fate had it, of all nights, I chose last night to try this road. At the exit point there was an entire batallion of traffic police mamas ready to prance on blissfully innocent commuters who were foreordained to end their day on a bad note.

License please. OK.
Hundred Rupees please.
Why?
That's a one way sir.
Who says so?!
The board.
Where is the board?
On the road.
Its not there.
It is.

A Maruti Omni guy went that extra distance to prove that there was no board there. He took along a small mama, but he never cam back. God knows what happened to him.

But the shadiest part of this whole affiar was yet to come. Two chinkies on a Kinetic Honda, male+female, who came a few minutes later, on the same road, were NOT looted! Just a cavalier license check, a few words, and they were on their way! I couldnt stand this. Upon asking that miserable sonofabitch on his partisan behaviour, the response I got was equally atrocious.
"Avru namma desha alla saar" .. They are not from our country.. !@#$

At that instant, I wished for two things.
1. That I was a Pardesi.
2. That I had a valid insurance. Mine expired some time in April lst year. Was I in possession of this, I would have definitely created a scene there. But on this occassion, I quietly rode back, feeling lucky. Losing 100 bucks is better than losing 5 times that amount.

The first thing I did this morn was drop my zma at the service center. Will pick it up in the evening and tomorrow morn I shall head straight to the ICICI Insurance office.

Lean phase

Every Thursday evening, all module owners need to send a weekly to the manager explaining all the activities that happen during that week. For the second staright week, I havent sent mine. The reason is as simple as having nothing to write in the weekly.

Not that we bill our cost center on an hourly basis, but its a tacit expectation that we clock atleast 40hrs/week at office. I have done 45 hrs in 2 weeks combined. Work at office these days is akin to mugging in college: lot of backlog vis-a-vis dwindling interest to keep pace.

I am trying hard to convince myself that lack of physical fitness ( a sprained right elbow last week, an aching left shoulder since yesterday) plus lot of time consuming activities on the home front (loan+registration+payments) has kept me away from giving 100% at work. But something inside is making a cussed statement that all the above are just excuses and the actual reason is general lack of motivation.

With 2 modules in the finishing stages and 2 new ones in the planning phase, I have work that actually demands more than 50hrs/week. Hope things will be normal starting next week.