Gala week

Its 10:00 a.m on a Monday morning and I am in office right now. Five minutes back there was absolute silence in my corridor and a couple of adjacent ones too. And why? Out of the 60 odd team members, all that I spot is 13! Apparently my boss and my boss's boss are on leave, along with I dont know how many dozens more, this week. And I am sitting here smiling from ear to ear. Ofcourse there is enough load to keep me occupied for 8X5, but I can be happy about working with no added load/burden/nuisance/interrupts etc etc.. from either my boss or his boss.
I AM THE KING THIS WEEK!

Yet another match update

Apparently this was our last practice match before the tournament kicks off in last week of Jan. And it was the first for our opponents NVidia.

With the start they got off to ( 89 for no loss in 10 overs), our chances of wrapping up our practice matches with a decent win looked fat. But some clever spin bowling and McGrathish offstump line from our medium pacers in the last 10 overs were good enough to bowl out the novice team for a chaseable 147. Good fielding (3 run outs) and some sharp catching were the highlights of our stint in the field.

Our batting has never let us down. Atleast for as long as I have been in the team. We outscored them with 5 wickets and 4 overs to spare.

On the personal front, I gave away 4 wides (10 lesses than the previous outing), bowled 2 very good overs (cost me 5 runs) and got hit for 5 boundaries off over-pitched deliveries in the other 2.

Overall : 4-0-31-0.
A decent outing. Line is under control now. With regular practice (2 saturdays before the tournament starts) hopefully length should also be alright by Jan end. If not, I will continue to be in the team, but shall lose my opening bowler slot.

In my next birth..

On you, when I showered my love
Never did I think about anything else
‘Cus I always felt
The lord himself was standing right by my side.

Never ever did I wonder
What the future would unravel
That a basket of flowers and fruits
Would metamorphose into a shrub of thorns

Candidly, did you really feel nothing,
Nothing at all, when you just left?
Atleast I could never ever dream
That you, of all people, would deceive me this way.

Oh no! I am not blaming you
Neither am I sad that you left me
I only spent many a night crying, and if I am sad,
Its only because my soul still is inseparable from yours.

Even after death takes over
Your thoughts will keep lingering in my mind
And I shall return with another life
Only if God promises me, that you will be mine
In my next birth..

I came across this real heart numbing poem this afternoon. It was in Marathi.

Thanks mummy, for helping me translate this.

Match update

As on most occassions, I was the first to reach the ground on Sunday. The match was expected to start at 8:00. People started waking up at 9:00 and we finally started at 10:00. We batted first. Score: 4 for 255 in 25 overs. Given the short boundary, wayward bowling and fast outfield, any score lower than 200 would have cast doubts on our batting prowess.

I opened the bowling for the second consecutive match. Last match was just short of disaster. This one was far better.

O-M-R-W : 4 0 43 3.

Wicket #1: Ball pitched off and middle and cut off the seam to rattle the middle stump. Obly I was elated. It was my first 'bowled Sameer' entry in the records.

Wicket #2: Nothing special. Just a desparate shot from a confused batsman. Our best fielder took a sharp catch in the mid-off region.

Wicket #3: Yet another personal first. The previous two deliveries had pitched middle and dirfted pad side for 2 consecutive wides. This delivery held line and fetched me a plumb decision.

But my line was a big disappointment. It was basically listless. Result : 14 wides. When the line was right, I overpitched to be driven straight down the ground past the umpire. Still a lot of scope for improvement. But for a 'back-from-retirement' player, this is quite a creditable performance.

We won by 30 runs.

Savage Garden - No! I wrote this

Handsome, dashing, charming,

Oh those I am not,

Dollars, villas, limousines,

These I ain’t got,

But feelings, care and concern,

These my heart can show and share a lot,

For ,till the end of my life, I shall love you,

More truly, deeply, madly than you ever thought.

Back from retirement

Not dada. I am referring to myself here. Owing to some negligence on the part of our captain we missed playing the TNT tournament this year. The effort I put in making a 30 km round trip to NAL ground every (almost) Saturday morning at 6:30 for more than a year for nets went straight down the drain. I threatened to retire. Effect : We will be playing a rare warm up match against ARM tomorrow. Warm-up for what? I have no clue. But I have realised one thing : Revolting helps!
ARM is led by our ex-captain. He moved out of TI early this year. We had played their amateur team some time back. Thanks to some solid middle order batting, we managed to win with ease. But things have changed since the last face-off. They practiced hard and played TNT. We have been practicing but we havent even had a practice match since summer. Our middle order line-up is tyro. And the biggest difference.. I AM PLAYING THIS TIME. Owing to injury (I am the Ashish Nehra of TI you see), I was only the umpire last time.
Apparently this is my first match outside of NAL compound. Lets see how the plot unfolds. Gotta catch some sleep now. The match starts at 8 am on palace grounds.

Raagas in Film songs

I got a chance to listen to some beautiful flute recitals of certain Kannada movie songs in office yesterday. Never knew we had such a nice collection on our office network. Also, never knew these songs were actually based on different Carnatic and Hindustani raagas. I could hum along most songs. Feels good to share some on this here.

Song : Raga
----------------
Moodala maneya : Manj Khamaj.
Few songs in film Aaraadhana are also in this raaga.

Kanneera dhaare ideke ideke : Lalith
This is my favourite depression time song. ANNaavru rocks here. This song has an uncanny resemblance to a Hindi master piece Ek shehenshah ne banvaake haseen Taj Mahal. No wonder both are in the same raaga.

Teredide mane o baa aththi : Shyam Kalyan
The best of two of the best female singers Kannada filmdom was lucky to possess, Vani Jayaram and S Janaki, can be heard in this.

Doni saagali munde hogali : Pahadi
This Kuvempu composition was immortalised through this raaga. Remember Chaudvin ka chaand? Thats the same raaga. Looks like anything slow and soothing is Pahadi.

Hoovu cheluvella tandenditu : Bhimpalasi
Rehman likes this one. Ae ajnabi and Kismat se tum hum ko mile vaguely follow this raaga.

Karedaru keLade : Bihag
Personally I feel this one fits the nadindinta nadindinta beat best.

Nee hinga noDa byaaDa nanna : Shivaranjini
Never knew the song I croon so often these days, Jaane kahaan gaye woh din, is in this raaga.

Hmm. This post is making me feel generally happy now. Nice way to call it a day. Shall go home now.

Questions unanswered.

You promised me that you would come, I stood, beating the blistering cold,
Dawn became dusk, and you wouldnt come, I was told,
Hurt I was then, when I learnt, nothing mattered, how I waited for you, here and there,
I expressed the same to who else but you, you scratced your head, and bluntly asked "Where?"

Crowded that place was, but I was all alone,
Your addiction, your thoughts, your absence, had all into weaknesses grown,
Hurt I was then, when I learnt, nothing mattered, how miserably I missed you, every now and then,
I expressed the same to who else but you, you looked around everywhere, but into my eyes, and asked "When?"

To melt a stone that you are, myself I dared,
I went that extra mile to show how much I cared,
Hurt I was then, when I learnt, nothing mattered, how hard I tried to do all that,
I expressed the same to who else but you, teeth you bared, and in disbelief you flared, "What!".

To make you my future, I forgot my present and my past,
People lost hope in me, so did I, and away I was cast,
Hurt I was then, when I learnt, nothing mattered, the depths to which I had fallen in your love,
I expressed the same to who else but you, eyes you blinked, and naively you asked, "But how?"

But that was the past, trying to hold on to you, I failed life's test,
Now I am away, away from sight, away from your life, but always wishing you all the best,
Hurt you are now, 'cause you understand all the wheres, whens, whats and hows, and you cry,
You wish to express the same to who else but me, but all you can do now is, ask yourself, "Why.Oh!Why?"

Wish..

Life had a restart option. With a difference though. Reboot should happen from a non-erasable kinda memory and this memory should be preloaded with certain aspects that you would want to store just before that cold-boot. For usage ease, these aspects should be organised into folders, which 'livers' can use discretion to name. My first folder will be named 'Repenter'. The files inside this folder will explain the leitmotif of the folder.

File numero uno:
File name : life_at_iit.screw
File size : 4 yrs

I consider myself a good example for 'a wrong person at the wrong place'. Lack of options, inablility to think clearly, whatever the reason, but after a lot of slogging I went there. Unfortuntely. Neither did I excel academically, nor was there any value addition otherwise. I just 'existed' there. My parents are proud that their son is an IITian. Few people look up to me thinking that it was an achievement. Only I know how abortive my stay there was. Only I know
how I abhor associating myself with that place. Only I know what a waste those 4 years were. Might sound a bit outlandish. But only I know.

After the reboot, I shall refer to this file quite often. I will keep introspecting with this file in hand. Am I doing what I like ? Am I liking what I do? Am I in a place I would love to be in? Am I in a place that loves me? Life after reboot will be devoid of guilt that hurt me when I tried to answer these 3 years back.


Directory structure is in the formative phase. Will be back with timely updates on this.

Two years up/down?

On the 7th of this month, half a dozen IC tweak engineers, including myself, completed 2 yrs at TI. Dont take a bow please. No big deal this one. No fanfare either. At the lunch table that day, we collectively reminisced our 1st anniversay euphoria, photo session and stuff. Thats the closest we came to celebrating this year. Talks a lot about the enthusiasm left in the old and brittle bones, doesnt it?

But! Are we to blame ourselves? Nay. This is a mean and ugly corporate world. We are helplessly stuck in this vicious cycle where long hours of quality effort is needed to ensure better performance and laudable results, and this only means appreciation from the customer in the form of more work. Celebrations hardly find a place here.

A few retrospective lines...

Very enthusiastic about work. Thats how it all started. Enthusiastic I was a year ago. Not so enthusiastic I am. Now. No reason for this. Crave for change even when the sailing is smooth and everything in life is just fine. Thats plain human nature.

Work-life balance is nothing but an oxymoron. When work takes the driver's seat, life is not even allowed to take the back seat. It gets mercilessly defenestrated (I am obsessed with this word these days). What with a fast car and a reckless driver called work, it isnt even possible to get out and bring back that life. All you can do is momentarily turn around and look at your discarded life through the rear windshield.

Dabbled in everything, mastered nothing. Thats one sentence which describes the seriousness of my intention to excel in anything outside work. For good or bad, I have lost the conviction that I am not just another also-ran kinda guy. Music, karate, cricket, all these activities that I had pursued with some seriousness in the not so distant past, are now in abeyance. Playing these out from the balk seems next to impossible. Sad, but true.

On a completely uncorrelated line (only reflects the thought process in my mind. Absolute incoherence!), if at all there are any gross misfits in the semiconductor industry, they are schedule makers. In two years I have realised that in such a dynamic/volatile industry, where technology changes faster than a design, sitting in a board-room and setting dealdlines is nothing short of a farcical act. And these days, I see more managers than designers, moving around with hep laptops, with open MS Project sheets, asking if we poor designers are on track. Its high time they realised that most of the time we are derailed!

Its hardly a nice thing to note that retrospection educes only life's cribs. There indeed are a few bright spots here and there and they deserve to be mentioned. Not now though.

Sorry mummy

Its Tuesday 6:30 pm. I am driving my car on the busy CMH Road. I am on my way to south Bangalore (I stay in west Bangalore) to drop a friend of mine to her residence. She is hungry and she doesnt want to eat twice on the same night. So we decide to have dinner on the way. As an obidient son, I call mom to inform about my plan.

"Hi ma! what plans for dinner?"
"I'll be making khara pongal".
"Drop the plan ma. I wont come home for dinner. I'll be having it outside."
"With whom?"
Her tone changes after hearing the name that I have been using quite often at home these days.
"Is that OK with you ma? What will you eat?"
"Why should you care? Anyways, take care. Dont make it too late".
She hangs up the phone.

A sweet heart that she is, the girl chides me for breaking mom's heart. What! Did I just do that? How? Even now I fail to comprehend how my call hurt her, but it seems I did just that. And my companion seemed to understand that. For two days mom was at best unresponsive to all my words at home. Only the severe cold that I developed last evening could melt her heart.

I dont want to talk to her about what exactly I did to force her into silent-mode. But some how I still feel guilty as hell and frankly, I am scared and upset. If one dinner with a girl, whose company I enjoy, can hurt her this bad, then what will those infinite dinners that I'll be having with the girl I'll be marrying, lead to? Let time answer this.For now, I am sorry mummy.

The time has come for me to rest

Arjun Singh ki jai!

Frankly, the fear of being overtaken or out-smarted at work-place or elsewhere is the primary factor that keeps me on my heels most of the time. Sometimes I just shake myself awake in the dead of the night, thinking, 'if i dont do it, some one else will'. But if Arjun Singh gets things going his way, I think I can slow down , relax and do things at my own desired pace.

Think about it. 49.5% reservation. Where does it stand now? 22-23% ? So thats an additional 25%+ increase in incompetence and 25%+ reduction in standard. To me it only means 25%+ lesser competition to stay ahead in the future. The future definitely looks secure for me.

Thanks Arjun Singh, you have made my life that much more peaceful and stress-free.

Totally wireless!

My first totally 'wireless' post!
As I type this, in the halcyon confines of my bed room, the 54Mbps D-link wireless router is seamlessly interacting with the Motorola DSL/Cable modem, transcieving from my WiFi b/g compliant ACER 1641 laptop.
My mood now is euphoric. For two reasons.
Firstly, this 'wireless' feeling is new to me. And anything new, and working, tingles my nerves.
Secondly, being a techie, it gives me immense pleasure, to see some CMOS integrated circuits, some RF, some embedded software, all shaking hands to make a protocol work. Hats off to technology!

Whatever the hinderances, whatever the frustrations, seeing something like this work, I have developed this confidence that the technology that I am working on currently, will defienitely make it big on the cell phones of the near-future. And thats what drives me now. AMEN!!

Its different

So it was my first day. Working from home feels 'different'. Woke up aaraam se at 8. Got ready by 9. Remotely logged into my office m/c. Worked till 11. Then had a sumptuous lunch. Didnt feel like sitting at home any more. Came down to office at 12:30. Rest as usual.

How it was different:
*No frustrating/abusive attempts to kick-start/electronically-start my huge bike at 7:30 in the morn. Soemhow this mountain of a machine refuses to start for any less attempts than a dozen.
*No full-time-pass(ftp) early in the morning in the office cafeteria, waiting for my 'sweetheart's' face-darshanam ;-)
*No post-cafeteria-ftp ftp in the third floor pantry. again the same leitmotif there.
*Minimal clothing gives me maximum pleasure and whats better than chaDDi-banyan at home!
*But nobody to talk to, besides mom and rudramma, my maid :-(
*Lunch!
*Helmet and overcoat at noon. That hurts :-/
*I actually worked!! Cant find a bigger difference.

Gotta see whats in stake for the morning to follow.

Work from home.. work at office also

Ok. So finally its kicked off. This TransTII thingy. Now I can start working from home. Atleast thats what it promises.
What with my new ACER 1641 laptop, a decent 256kbps Broadband connection, I guess I can become a rare sight at office. Hell no! I just heard about this core hours funda. Gotta be present in the office from 10:30 to 5 every day.
Aha! Now I get the cruz of it all. All it says is the remaining seventeen and half hours I SHOULD work from home. Guess the concept of weekend will soon be a thing of the past.What the!!

Sense of pride

Seen the recent BA ad? The one where a gamut of servile Britishers beseech Indians to fly BA, with joined palms? A hardcore Briton might consider suicide as an obvious way out, on watching this ad. But for the moment, I am glowing with a never seen before sense of pride in me.

Thou shalt never accost!!

On quite a few occassions I have seen a decent looking new girl. Sometimes she is in the bus and I'm in the bus stand. Sometimes its the other way. Sometimes she is on a 2-wheeler and I'm walking. Sometimes its the other way. I havnt ofcourse 'accosted' any of these in my life time, but very often have rehearsed what my first line would be, if at all I garner all my guts to do so. The stress is on if at all, and this tragically stresses my heart. What an ultra-low confidence dud I am. Confidence or not, I have even mono-acted my words and the reaction from the other side. And no guesses, the reaction is without exception, always a cryogenic shoulder (an ultra ultra cold one, that is).

A few of the two way short conversations are like:

Me : Hi, can I talk to you for a minute please.
She: Ok. Your time starts now.
I beat my previous sprint record.

Me : Hi, I am ..
She : So.
Run!!

Me : I have been seeing you in the bus stand for a while now. My mind is totally troubled. I..
She : no she. the bus has already left.

Me : Hi, buy me a pizza.
She : You confused desi.
Phataack! there goes the one-tight-slap

Me : Hi, will you marry me?
She : Ofcourse, I wont!
And I was thinking my other cheek would be spared. Duh..

Me : Hi, can I drop you somewhere.
She : Buzz off.
I avoid eye contact with the she standing next to her.

My favourite only me and no she :

Hi, I am Josh. Sam Josh.

And finally, a dream sequence.

Hi. I am (that would be my name). I live in ( that would be my place). I work for (my company). I studied in (my college). I own a (that is my bike). I also have a (my car). I do (some arbit stuff). And I dont have a self-image, confidence and good looks.

She kneels, raises both hands to the sky, and sings(apparently a Shaggy fan), "Why him Lord!".

New note-book, new promise

I have been asking for new notebooks from my group admin for all 'office' related writing stuff at regular intervals for the past year or so that I have been employed here. Have 3 of those in my possession now. All total pseud notebooks I must say, with hard bind and gently colourful pictures on the front cover. And each time I have managed to get one with a different picture. This time I asked for one on 6th, for some in-house Data Converters training course. It says 'FOCUS', with 2 darts, red and yellow, sharing a bull's eye. Why 2 darts? Beats me. I guess it goes to show that in this fiercely competitive corporate world, my focus alone wont help. Everybody around also needs to be focussed, to have any sorta competitive advantage over our 'foes'. So I deciphered from the 2 darts picture. What funda man! Clap clap. I like yellow, so those around me are red.

My childlike enthusiasm for 'inaugurating' a new notebook seems undying. Especially when it happpens to be a pseud hard bound book such as this new one, the thrill knows no bounds. I dont see it, but I do feel that grin of satisfaction on myself. So whats in a new notebook that so enlivens my spirits?
* Firstly, I'm using something that nobody has ever used before.
* The touch, the smell, the look of a new book in themselves are things of joy. It feels good to see something so fresh and unspoilt with immaculate edges and spotless surfaces. Absolute beauty!
* On a personal note, its those petty promises that I make and wait to see if those are fulfilled or the book is fully filled first.

This new book, I have promised myself to gain atleast some insight into the theory behind the functioning of Data Converters, one topic that was so conviniently not taught in the hallowed classrooms of IIT Chennai. What was taught then? Exactly the things that I never learnt...

OK then.. tell me your dreams..

What Asimov said:

"....I once dreamed I was in a hotel,attending a physics convention. I was with ol' friends.Everything seemed quite normal.Suddenly, there was a confusion of shouting and for no reason at all I grew panicky.I ran to the door but it wouldn't open. One by one my friends disappeared. They had no leaving the room, but I couldnt see how they managed it. I shouted at them but they ignored me.

It was borne on me that that the hotel was on fire. I didnt smeel smoke. I just knew there was a fire. I ran to the window and I could see a fire escape on the outside of the building. I ran to each window in turn but none led to the escape. I was quite alone in the room now. I leaned out of the window, calling desperately. No one heard me.

Then the fire engines were coming, little red smears darting along the streets. I remember clearly. The alarm bells clanged sharply to clear traffic. I could hear them louder and louder till the sound was splitting my skull. I awoke and, of course, the alarm clock was ringing. Now I couldnt have dreamed a long dream designed to arrive at the moment of the alarm clock ring in a way that builds the alarm neatly into the fabric of the dream. It is much more reasonable to suppose that the dream began at the moment the alarm began and crammed all its sensation of duration into a split second. It was just a hurry-up device of my brain to explain this sudden noise that penetrated the silence...."

What I have to say:

Well every human dreams of situations as vague as this only to find out, on being fully conscious, that the dream wasnt all that uncorrelated to the scheme of events in reality. However, these occur in, as picturised above, such short a duration of time, that we more often than not, have only a nebulous memory (is it memory?) that we can relate to later. Atleast for me, the arduous task of putting down the same on paper and even going to the extent of analysing it, is a hard thing to digest.

Nevertheless, here you are, confronted with one marvelous psychedelic dream sequence retold by one of the 'wildest' thinkers of yesteryears, Isaac Asimov. As far as I am concerned, there is no story or event or even a hazy fascination, however intriging and laden with complexites it might be, that Asimov cannot explain. My salutes to this master story teller.

And as for the bulk, of which I am a mute part, we can only read and say, "how true!!".

Enough - III : Enough of enough

Actually in the last post I intended to express some thoughts about Sachin but it only went that much more in corroborating the self-centred content that my posts exhibit.

Good for him that he opted out of upcoming test series against Zimbabwe. I guess he wouldn't be playing the ICC Super Series either Talking about this series, I feel the one day squad is absolute junk. Why Gibbs and Pollock eh? And why Sachin at all! They are no way the best in business now. A deeper inquisition will reveal that its actually a tough task to build a World XI team without Australian players in it. What with the abyssmal show the Aussies have put up this Ashes, the World XI will still be far from being the best the cricketing history has seen, even if they are considered. For an aficianado like myself, its the right time for a hiatus from the game. With the TNT Cup around the corner, I'll be well advised to concentrate more on my personal cricketing skills (which has gone to dogs) than harp on mal-nourished cricketing talent elsewhere.

Back to what I was thinking. Ya, Sachin! Now here is one man, no, super-man,(he and I cant belong to the same species) who is just the antithesis of whatever my existence means. For lack of options, if some one asked me my role-model in the past, I would say Sachin. I never had one, but he came close to being one. Digression again : Funny na, the way these Miss World/Miss Universe contestants so glibly make Mother Teresa or Kiran Bedi or Wangari Maathai their role-models with not an iota of conviction in their words. Ok. I had my go at these !@#$% and I am relieved.

Back to Sachin. Statistics is on his side, but not age anymore. Sad. But what on earth is the force that drives him to accomplish anything further than what he already has!!?? And how or why is he motivated to be fighting fit as soon as possible and be back to his tormenting ways on the field? If I were him (at some novice stage in life I had wished so. Not anymore), I would be more than happy to concentrate the rest of my life on my culinary interests and take care of my children and wife. But our man still wants to make news. Making news, I guess, is just an outcome of his unfaltering craze and passion for the game.

Why am I not.. Certain questions are best left open. Better unanswered. Still better, unpondered over. Even better, not discussed any further. Enough of 'Enough'.

HELP!! WHERE AND HOW DO I EDIT COMMENTS??