In pursuit of happiness..

Irked with corporeal resolutions and subsequent ineffectiveness in the previous years, when 06 ceased to exist, I adopted the last line from Max Ehrmann's Desiderata as my resolution for 07. Three months into it, its time to retrospect.

I have a reason, right now, not to be happy. And that is because retrospection returned dismal results. Let alone striving to be happy, I havent even made an effort not be sad. Till mid Feb I was too busy to be happy. Mid Feb to end Feb I was sad that my project got scrapped. Since Mar started, I am not happy because I have work again.

Moving from retrospection to introspection, is it really WORK that has stopped me from being happy? Everybody knows how workaholic I am (not). I barely manage to clock those 40 mandatory hours per week that the work place demands. So it really cant be work that is working against my resolution. And I spend around 60 hrs/week on bed, devoid of all human feelings.

Stepping outside my boots, as an onlooker, I think I have reasons to feel good once in a while. My parents are proud that I will be in possession of a HOME SWEET HOME before I turn 25. They are so elated that I single handedly arranged for a loan, completed all formalities, and even got the property registered in my name. Some other year, some other planet, I would have basked in this small glory that I have cornered, but right now, right here, I am not happy about any of this.


I worked assiduously on my patent, as a primary inventor, drawing self explanatory figures, deriving comprehensive equations, surveying literature to see if I had infringed on any existing patents, discussed, ruminated, and submitted the draft for review. It might not make it, thats a different thing. If I were to do the same set of things an year ago, at the end of it all, I would have had to try hard to contain the immense satisfaction and contentment the process would have given me. But last week, I logged out, saying good riddance and havent cared to follow up on it ever since.


I have shown enough diligence and regularly played my guitar for some time now. I can croon along as I play it. I used to lose myelf in it completely some time back. But now, its become more of a formal proceeding. I stop the moment my fingers start aching, 'cus paining myself for perfection doesnt make me happy any more.

Can some one be passionate about something and still not be happy doing it? I still remember those days when I used to wait for 3:30 p.m to strike. Then with all the zeal I could garner, I would head to the gym to bleed some unadulterated sweat. Awesome fun that WAS. And now, more often than not, I carry a lot of garbled thoughts along, and wont even realise when I start and when I am all sweat. The conviction exists. No doubt about that. But happiness. Z i l c h.

Cricket! I have lived for this game. I have spent long minutes conceptualising those perfect inswingers. I used to be proud of my unflinching commitment for the game. But with nobody around to share this passion, happiness has fast disappeared.


Neither am I cribbing nor am I looking for answers. I feel sleepless this night and feel like experiencing some misery. And so this post. Some wise dood told me to pursue my passions relentlessly to keep myself occupied and hence sanguine. Occupied I am, Sir, but devoid of sanguinity...

This weekend I am definitely going to try and get some motivation from Will Smith.

Wish I was a Pardesi..

Last night on my way back home I somehow felt like taking a short cut through the non-existent main road of Michealpalya. A part of this road, the end from where you exit to join 180 ft road, used to be a one way some time back. But some vexed commuters recently uprooted the board that hinted at this. The road cant actually handle two way traffic, but travailing on this for a few minutes is any day better than getting stuck at the eternally jammed Suranjan Das Raod and Old Madras Road junction. Having said this, I usually avoid this short cut.

But, as fate had it, of all nights, I chose last night to try this road. At the exit point there was an entire batallion of traffic police mamas ready to prance on blissfully innocent commuters who were foreordained to end their day on a bad note.

License please. OK.
Hundred Rupees please.
Why?
That's a one way sir.
Who says so?!
The board.
Where is the board?
On the road.
Its not there.
It is.

A Maruti Omni guy went that extra distance to prove that there was no board there. He took along a small mama, but he never cam back. God knows what happened to him.

But the shadiest part of this whole affiar was yet to come. Two chinkies on a Kinetic Honda, male+female, who came a few minutes later, on the same road, were NOT looted! Just a cavalier license check, a few words, and they were on their way! I couldnt stand this. Upon asking that miserable sonofabitch on his partisan behaviour, the response I got was equally atrocious.
"Avru namma desha alla saar" .. They are not from our country.. !@#$

At that instant, I wished for two things.
1. That I was a Pardesi.
2. That I had a valid insurance. Mine expired some time in April lst year. Was I in possession of this, I would have definitely created a scene there. But on this occassion, I quietly rode back, feeling lucky. Losing 100 bucks is better than losing 5 times that amount.

The first thing I did this morn was drop my zma at the service center. Will pick it up in the evening and tomorrow morn I shall head straight to the ICICI Insurance office.

Lean phase

Every Thursday evening, all module owners need to send a weekly to the manager explaining all the activities that happen during that week. For the second staright week, I havent sent mine. The reason is as simple as having nothing to write in the weekly.

Not that we bill our cost center on an hourly basis, but its a tacit expectation that we clock atleast 40hrs/week at office. I have done 45 hrs in 2 weeks combined. Work at office these days is akin to mugging in college: lot of backlog vis-a-vis dwindling interest to keep pace.

I am trying hard to convince myself that lack of physical fitness ( a sprained right elbow last week, an aching left shoulder since yesterday) plus lot of time consuming activities on the home front (loan+registration+payments) has kept me away from giving 100% at work. But something inside is making a cussed statement that all the above are just excuses and the actual reason is general lack of motivation.

With 2 modules in the finishing stages and 2 new ones in the planning phase, I have work that actually demands more than 50hrs/week. Hope things will be normal starting next week.

Zma vs. Thunderbird

After a 70 odd km biking on the Thunderbird(TB) (thanks Kesava!), I feel I am in a decent position to make a comparison with my Karizma (the last reading on the odometer : 11111 km). This being my first attempt at comparison/review I shall copy parameters listed at mouthshut.org.

Fuel consumption :
38kmpl (Zma) against 30kmpl for the TB. 30 is pretty low for the kind of power TB delivers. May be it is the dry weight (168kgs against zma's 150kgs) that results in such a low fuel consumption.

Comfort :
TB's rear seat is a real pain in the ass. Cant say much about zma though, for I havent sat on its pillion seat for such long a distance. But for the rider, TB ROCKS! Bangalore- Chennai distance can be covered with at the max 2 breaks on the way. Zma demands atleast one every 50-60 kms. There is nothing like a 'comfort zone' on the zma seat. You need to shift every 10-15 mins to relax a certain blood starved part of your bottom. But TB is comfort personified. You will need a break now and then only to beat the boredom that this comfort tends to create.

Handling and control :
Though a cruiser, TB seems to be better suited for city traffic conditions. I am not sure, but I guess it is for the same 'more torque at lower engine speeds' funda that applies to cars. Juat an observation, TB cruises at 80kmph@3000 rpm but zma needs 5000rpm for the same speed.

Looks:
People might contradict, but zma scores here. Agreed TB has this rugged,meant-for-business look, but in the age group where bikes matter, zma attracts more 'sights'.

Acceleration ( my original comparison point):
No comparison. zma will reach its destination by the time TB accelerates to top speed (exagerated, but close to truth). TB cries when open throttled. zma encourages.

For my physique, both are grossly ill suited bikes, but if I am still to make a choice, I will settle for ZMA. After all, not often do I get a chance to cruise to long distances. When I do, then what is a Wagon-R for eh?

What hurts more?

The fact that you are always thinking about some one who is very special to you and that life has gone completely haywire because of that.. or the fact that that special some one doesnt care for you more than the dogs that roam her street?
I feel its the latter..

A trek to KoDchadri peak - Jan 26/27 07 : Part 1

Kodachadri. Don’t ask me what that means. I cared as much to know what it meant as I did to know where it is. Before departure, I mean. Now I can give details on request. Such was the pining to go ‘anywhere’, that no sooner did a guy drop out from the trek team, I jumped in. Despite my dozen odd last minute ditches on prior invitations, Mithun (trek ‘lead’) was kind enough to call me for this one. All this, a day before the trek.

A few facts that I garnered about the peak (along the way):

1. The 4^th highest peak in Karnataka (at about 1350m above MSL).
2. A hundred odd km north-north east of Kundapur and a hundred odd km west of Shimoga. Hardly a fact, I know. But for a guy who thought it was a couple of hours ride from Bangalore, this fact was an eye-opener.
3. And needless to say, B E A UTIFULLLL…

This was apparently my second ‘official’ trek expedition. First one was way back in March 2006 to a peak somewhere in Coorg district, close to Honey Valley. A risible trek that one was, compared to this back breaking, pant tearing (literally, what with all those thorny shrubs on the way) one.

DAY 0:

To make sure that we do not end up expecting some junket to heaven with 5-star treatment, we were treated to some ‘Swades general compartment’ level 400 kms overnight bus journey to Kundapur. Surprisingly I managed to sleep through most part of the tumultuous ride (Bangalore-Mangalore NH has gone to dogs).

DAY 1:

After a sumptuous breakfast at Kundapur, we set out to Kollur (of the Mookambika fame). From Kollur its all the way UP, to the destination (approx 800m ascent). After a game of frisbie (by the way, we were seven trekkers) and an hour’s wait at Kollur bus stand, with the peak in the distant background, our final leg of ‘6 wheeled’ ride (for the next 24 hours) took us to Nittur. A bumpy jeep ride from here to a village that had ‘a hut and sugarcane fields around’,

left us at our starting point.

Destination #1: HiDlumane falls

A refreshing bath before the climb to the peak and lunch were planned here. But Mithun had decided that we fight for and win each of these small pleasures. With ~15kgs of whatever -we -needed -and -whatever -we -could -fill -in -the -rucksack load on the shoulders, we started our steep ascent, amidst slippery boulders, to the cascade. An hour’s climb and we were at the base of the falls. A war well fought that one.

Standing naked (almost) under the cascade’s cold, pricking needle-like droplets.. aah.. be there to feel it! Heavenly the experience was! We wished we could stay on for ever. But the peak beckoned. Any place we ate, we hogged. I wont repeat it again. With full tummies, we started our descent to the village with a hut and sugarcane fields around.

Destination #2 : Inspection Bungalow, below KoDachadri peak.

Again from the village with a hut and blah blah blah we started the climb, in a different direction this time. Climb. Rest. Climb. Rest. Cimb. Rest. The travail continued through dense shrubs, open grasslands and a sultry afternoon until we reached the IB before sunset, as planned.

Destination #3: The peak.

Almost all souls were badly battered by now. So close yet so far wouldn’t be a nice thing to go back and tell office mates. One final climb and the peak would be captured. But rest would come only at a premium this time. We were racing against time; treating ourselves to a pleasant sun set at the peak was the ultimate goal. And we did it! Breathtaking, marvelous, splendid. Oh boy! Were we lucky or what! Just the right setting to forget anything and everything that has troubled you through the day. Just the right setting to sit, hand in hand, with your girl friend, and discuss, what next. For the seven male trekkers at the peak, what next was not a problem. A mundane climb down to the bungalow, cooking, and sleeping is all we had to settle for. Hmmm. So much for romance on the hill top.

Much to the consternation of fellow trekking groups (from Philips and NI), we cooked our own dinner and relished it.. Rice, MTR ready to eat veg curries, pickle.. we had them all.

And then, a perfect ending to a not so perfect day: Sleep under a blanket of stars with natural air conditioning. More pleasing was the fact that the rug that I carried and cursed myself for carrying along was more than useful that night.

Short story

He lay there, on his death bed, with one last wish to make.
"Will you marry me", he laboured to ask.
"No", said she.
He closed his eyes and thought, for one last time.. "Shit. I shouldn't have killed myself for her".

Gala week

Its 10:00 a.m on a Monday morning and I am in office right now. Five minutes back there was absolute silence in my corridor and a couple of adjacent ones too. And why? Out of the 60 odd team members, all that I spot is 13! Apparently my boss and my boss's boss are on leave, along with I dont know how many dozens more, this week. And I am sitting here smiling from ear to ear. Ofcourse there is enough load to keep me occupied for 8X5, but I can be happy about working with no added load/burden/nuisance/interrupts etc etc.. from either my boss or his boss.
I AM THE KING THIS WEEK!

Yet another match update

Apparently this was our last practice match before the tournament kicks off in last week of Jan. And it was the first for our opponents NVidia.

With the start they got off to ( 89 for no loss in 10 overs), our chances of wrapping up our practice matches with a decent win looked fat. But some clever spin bowling and McGrathish offstump line from our medium pacers in the last 10 overs were good enough to bowl out the novice team for a chaseable 147. Good fielding (3 run outs) and some sharp catching were the highlights of our stint in the field.

Our batting has never let us down. Atleast for as long as I have been in the team. We outscored them with 5 wickets and 4 overs to spare.

On the personal front, I gave away 4 wides (10 lesses than the previous outing), bowled 2 very good overs (cost me 5 runs) and got hit for 5 boundaries off over-pitched deliveries in the other 2.

Overall : 4-0-31-0.
A decent outing. Line is under control now. With regular practice (2 saturdays before the tournament starts) hopefully length should also be alright by Jan end. If not, I will continue to be in the team, but shall lose my opening bowler slot.

In my next birth..

On you, when I showered my love
Never did I think about anything else
‘Cus I always felt
The lord himself was standing right by my side.

Never ever did I wonder
What the future would unravel
That a basket of flowers and fruits
Would metamorphose into a shrub of thorns

Candidly, did you really feel nothing,
Nothing at all, when you just left?
Atleast I could never ever dream
That you, of all people, would deceive me this way.

Oh no! I am not blaming you
Neither am I sad that you left me
I only spent many a night crying, and if I am sad,
Its only because my soul still is inseparable from yours.

Even after death takes over
Your thoughts will keep lingering in my mind
And I shall return with another life
Only if God promises me, that you will be mine
In my next birth..

I came across this real heart numbing poem this afternoon. It was in Marathi.

Thanks mummy, for helping me translate this.

Match update

As on most occassions, I was the first to reach the ground on Sunday. The match was expected to start at 8:00. People started waking up at 9:00 and we finally started at 10:00. We batted first. Score: 4 for 255 in 25 overs. Given the short boundary, wayward bowling and fast outfield, any score lower than 200 would have cast doubts on our batting prowess.

I opened the bowling for the second consecutive match. Last match was just short of disaster. This one was far better.

O-M-R-W : 4 0 43 3.

Wicket #1: Ball pitched off and middle and cut off the seam to rattle the middle stump. Obly I was elated. It was my first 'bowled Sameer' entry in the records.

Wicket #2: Nothing special. Just a desparate shot from a confused batsman. Our best fielder took a sharp catch in the mid-off region.

Wicket #3: Yet another personal first. The previous two deliveries had pitched middle and dirfted pad side for 2 consecutive wides. This delivery held line and fetched me a plumb decision.

But my line was a big disappointment. It was basically listless. Result : 14 wides. When the line was right, I overpitched to be driven straight down the ground past the umpire. Still a lot of scope for improvement. But for a 'back-from-retirement' player, this is quite a creditable performance.

We won by 30 runs.

Savage Garden - No! I wrote this

Handsome, dashing, charming,

Oh those I am not,

Dollars, villas, limousines,

These I ain’t got,

But feelings, care and concern,

These my heart can show and share a lot,

For ,till the end of my life, I shall love you,

More truly, deeply, madly than you ever thought.

Back from retirement

Not dada. I am referring to myself here. Owing to some negligence on the part of our captain we missed playing the TNT tournament this year. The effort I put in making a 30 km round trip to NAL ground every (almost) Saturday morning at 6:30 for more than a year for nets went straight down the drain. I threatened to retire. Effect : We will be playing a rare warm up match against ARM tomorrow. Warm-up for what? I have no clue. But I have realised one thing : Revolting helps!
ARM is led by our ex-captain. He moved out of TI early this year. We had played their amateur team some time back. Thanks to some solid middle order batting, we managed to win with ease. But things have changed since the last face-off. They practiced hard and played TNT. We have been practicing but we havent even had a practice match since summer. Our middle order line-up is tyro. And the biggest difference.. I AM PLAYING THIS TIME. Owing to injury (I am the Ashish Nehra of TI you see), I was only the umpire last time.
Apparently this is my first match outside of NAL compound. Lets see how the plot unfolds. Gotta catch some sleep now. The match starts at 8 am on palace grounds.

Raagas in Film songs

I got a chance to listen to some beautiful flute recitals of certain Kannada movie songs in office yesterday. Never knew we had such a nice collection on our office network. Also, never knew these songs were actually based on different Carnatic and Hindustani raagas. I could hum along most songs. Feels good to share some on this here.

Song : Raga
----------------
Moodala maneya : Manj Khamaj.
Few songs in film Aaraadhana are also in this raaga.

Kanneera dhaare ideke ideke : Lalith
This is my favourite depression time song. ANNaavru rocks here. This song has an uncanny resemblance to a Hindi master piece Ek shehenshah ne banvaake haseen Taj Mahal. No wonder both are in the same raaga.

Teredide mane o baa aththi : Shyam Kalyan
The best of two of the best female singers Kannada filmdom was lucky to possess, Vani Jayaram and S Janaki, can be heard in this.

Doni saagali munde hogali : Pahadi
This Kuvempu composition was immortalised through this raaga. Remember Chaudvin ka chaand? Thats the same raaga. Looks like anything slow and soothing is Pahadi.

Hoovu cheluvella tandenditu : Bhimpalasi
Rehman likes this one. Ae ajnabi and Kismat se tum hum ko mile vaguely follow this raaga.

Karedaru keLade : Bihag
Personally I feel this one fits the nadindinta nadindinta beat best.

Nee hinga noDa byaaDa nanna : Shivaranjini
Never knew the song I croon so often these days, Jaane kahaan gaye woh din, is in this raaga.

Hmm. This post is making me feel generally happy now. Nice way to call it a day. Shall go home now.

Questions unanswered.

You promised me that you would come, I stood, beating the blistering cold,
Dawn became dusk, and you wouldnt come, I was told,
Hurt I was then, when I learnt, nothing mattered, how I waited for you, here and there,
I expressed the same to who else but you, you scratced your head, and bluntly asked "Where?"

Crowded that place was, but I was all alone,
Your addiction, your thoughts, your absence, had all into weaknesses grown,
Hurt I was then, when I learnt, nothing mattered, how miserably I missed you, every now and then,
I expressed the same to who else but you, you looked around everywhere, but into my eyes, and asked "When?"

To melt a stone that you are, myself I dared,
I went that extra mile to show how much I cared,
Hurt I was then, when I learnt, nothing mattered, how hard I tried to do all that,
I expressed the same to who else but you, teeth you bared, and in disbelief you flared, "What!".

To make you my future, I forgot my present and my past,
People lost hope in me, so did I, and away I was cast,
Hurt I was then, when I learnt, nothing mattered, the depths to which I had fallen in your love,
I expressed the same to who else but you, eyes you blinked, and naively you asked, "But how?"

But that was the past, trying to hold on to you, I failed life's test,
Now I am away, away from sight, away from your life, but always wishing you all the best,
Hurt you are now, 'cause you understand all the wheres, whens, whats and hows, and you cry,
You wish to express the same to who else but me, but all you can do now is, ask yourself, "Why.Oh!Why?"

Wish..

Life had a restart option. With a difference though. Reboot should happen from a non-erasable kinda memory and this memory should be preloaded with certain aspects that you would want to store just before that cold-boot. For usage ease, these aspects should be organised into folders, which 'livers' can use discretion to name. My first folder will be named 'Repenter'. The files inside this folder will explain the leitmotif of the folder.

File numero uno:
File name : life_at_iit.screw
File size : 4 yrs

I consider myself a good example for 'a wrong person at the wrong place'. Lack of options, inablility to think clearly, whatever the reason, but after a lot of slogging I went there. Unfortuntely. Neither did I excel academically, nor was there any value addition otherwise. I just 'existed' there. My parents are proud that their son is an IITian. Few people look up to me thinking that it was an achievement. Only I know how abortive my stay there was. Only I know
how I abhor associating myself with that place. Only I know what a waste those 4 years were. Might sound a bit outlandish. But only I know.

After the reboot, I shall refer to this file quite often. I will keep introspecting with this file in hand. Am I doing what I like ? Am I liking what I do? Am I in a place I would love to be in? Am I in a place that loves me? Life after reboot will be devoid of guilt that hurt me when I tried to answer these 3 years back.


Directory structure is in the formative phase. Will be back with timely updates on this.

Two years up/down?

On the 7th of this month, half a dozen IC tweak engineers, including myself, completed 2 yrs at TI. Dont take a bow please. No big deal this one. No fanfare either. At the lunch table that day, we collectively reminisced our 1st anniversay euphoria, photo session and stuff. Thats the closest we came to celebrating this year. Talks a lot about the enthusiasm left in the old and brittle bones, doesnt it?

But! Are we to blame ourselves? Nay. This is a mean and ugly corporate world. We are helplessly stuck in this vicious cycle where long hours of quality effort is needed to ensure better performance and laudable results, and this only means appreciation from the customer in the form of more work. Celebrations hardly find a place here.

A few retrospective lines...

Very enthusiastic about work. Thats how it all started. Enthusiastic I was a year ago. Not so enthusiastic I am. Now. No reason for this. Crave for change even when the sailing is smooth and everything in life is just fine. Thats plain human nature.

Work-life balance is nothing but an oxymoron. When work takes the driver's seat, life is not even allowed to take the back seat. It gets mercilessly defenestrated (I am obsessed with this word these days). What with a fast car and a reckless driver called work, it isnt even possible to get out and bring back that life. All you can do is momentarily turn around and look at your discarded life through the rear windshield.

Dabbled in everything, mastered nothing. Thats one sentence which describes the seriousness of my intention to excel in anything outside work. For good or bad, I have lost the conviction that I am not just another also-ran kinda guy. Music, karate, cricket, all these activities that I had pursued with some seriousness in the not so distant past, are now in abeyance. Playing these out from the balk seems next to impossible. Sad, but true.

On a completely uncorrelated line (only reflects the thought process in my mind. Absolute incoherence!), if at all there are any gross misfits in the semiconductor industry, they are schedule makers. In two years I have realised that in such a dynamic/volatile industry, where technology changes faster than a design, sitting in a board-room and setting dealdlines is nothing short of a farcical act. And these days, I see more managers than designers, moving around with hep laptops, with open MS Project sheets, asking if we poor designers are on track. Its high time they realised that most of the time we are derailed!

Its hardly a nice thing to note that retrospection educes only life's cribs. There indeed are a few bright spots here and there and they deserve to be mentioned. Not now though.

Sorry mummy

Its Tuesday 6:30 pm. I am driving my car on the busy CMH Road. I am on my way to south Bangalore (I stay in west Bangalore) to drop a friend of mine to her residence. She is hungry and she doesnt want to eat twice on the same night. So we decide to have dinner on the way. As an obidient son, I call mom to inform about my plan.

"Hi ma! what plans for dinner?"
"I'll be making khara pongal".
"Drop the plan ma. I wont come home for dinner. I'll be having it outside."
"With whom?"
Her tone changes after hearing the name that I have been using quite often at home these days.
"Is that OK with you ma? What will you eat?"
"Why should you care? Anyways, take care. Dont make it too late".
She hangs up the phone.

A sweet heart that she is, the girl chides me for breaking mom's heart. What! Did I just do that? How? Even now I fail to comprehend how my call hurt her, but it seems I did just that. And my companion seemed to understand that. For two days mom was at best unresponsive to all my words at home. Only the severe cold that I developed last evening could melt her heart.

I dont want to talk to her about what exactly I did to force her into silent-mode. But some how I still feel guilty as hell and frankly, I am scared and upset. If one dinner with a girl, whose company I enjoy, can hurt her this bad, then what will those infinite dinners that I'll be having with the girl I'll be marrying, lead to? Let time answer this.For now, I am sorry mummy.

The time has come for me to rest

Arjun Singh ki jai!

Frankly, the fear of being overtaken or out-smarted at work-place or elsewhere is the primary factor that keeps me on my heels most of the time. Sometimes I just shake myself awake in the dead of the night, thinking, 'if i dont do it, some one else will'. But if Arjun Singh gets things going his way, I think I can slow down , relax and do things at my own desired pace.

Think about it. 49.5% reservation. Where does it stand now? 22-23% ? So thats an additional 25%+ increase in incompetence and 25%+ reduction in standard. To me it only means 25%+ lesser competition to stay ahead in the future. The future definitely looks secure for me.

Thanks Arjun Singh, you have made my life that much more peaceful and stress-free.

Totally wireless!

My first totally 'wireless' post!
As I type this, in the halcyon confines of my bed room, the 54Mbps D-link wireless router is seamlessly interacting with the Motorola DSL/Cable modem, transcieving from my WiFi b/g compliant ACER 1641 laptop.
My mood now is euphoric. For two reasons.
Firstly, this 'wireless' feeling is new to me. And anything new, and working, tingles my nerves.
Secondly, being a techie, it gives me immense pleasure, to see some CMOS integrated circuits, some RF, some embedded software, all shaking hands to make a protocol work. Hats off to technology!

Whatever the hinderances, whatever the frustrations, seeing something like this work, I have developed this confidence that the technology that I am working on currently, will defienitely make it big on the cell phones of the near-future. And thats what drives me now. AMEN!!