Algebraic Bowel Syndrome

What struck as a mental disorder exactly an year ago has now become a way of life. The 'algebraic bowel syndrome', which has a probability of affecting 1 in every 7 billion, is an obsessive compulsive disorder that strikes every morning, and only once, when the pants are down and the bottom is staring down the you-know-what. 

What are the symptoms of the disorder? There is only one, actually: the gate just won't open until a particular algebraic equation is solved. Sort of a daily math puzzle. The details:

1/ Consider each day as dd/mm/yy
2/ Now derive a f(dd,mm)=yy such that
        a/ Each of dd and mm should be used for equal number of times in the equation
        b/ The allowed operators are- +,-,*,/,!
3/ The aim is to solve this using dd and mm the least number of times

Example? Easy one this - 13/09/11
(13+13+9+9)/(13-9)=44/4=11

Aah. Relief.

With mm=yy, November '11 has been quite challenging and frustrating. 

Luck

V: Do you believe in luck?
S: You want to know or you know the answer and just want to confirm?
V: I want to know
S: I do. It is my escape route.
V: Hehe. So if some one succeeds, you will call him lucky eh?
S: No. I will consider him talented. But if I fail, I will consider myself unlucky.
V: :-)
S: :-D

Home alone

I will write pretending like I havent been away for a long time.

I have nothing to write actually. Apart from the fact that a flight across few seas and a couple of oceans, to the erstwhile land of dreams, happened a month ago, life has pretty much been the same.

I write today because today is different. I am home alone after a long time. Must admit, life 'home alone' is disturbing. Partly because it brings back some deeply buried memories and largely because I have simply lost touch. Things inside feel 'uncertain'.

I miss my 'mummy' mom..
I miss my 'wifey' mom..

Dilbertesque again

Wifey: I have to work till midnight tonight. Come and pick me up.
Hubby: At what rate do they pay for overtime?
Wifey: I don't get paid for overtime.
Hubby: Well, it must be some important work then.
Wifey: Not really. My boss wants me to change some "PowerPoint" slides for a meeting.
Hubby: Well, atleast you will be prepared for your meeting.
Wifey: It was cancelled. But that's okay because the project isn't funded anyway.
Hubby: So ... you want to stay till midnight to work for free on a presentation for a meeting that won't happen for a project that doesn't exist.
Wifey: Yes. At what time will you come?
Hubby: Ok. I will be there.

Sunfeast 10K and 5 years @ TI

Completed 10km in 63 min..

Completed 5 years in.. 5 years

Shyness my shield

.."It was impossible for me to speak impromptu. I hesitated whenever I had to face strange audiences and avoided making a speech whenever I could. Even today I do not think I could or would even be inclined to keep a meeting of friends engaged in idle talk.

I must say that, beyond occasionally exposing me to laughter, my constitutional shyness has been no disadvantage whatever. In fact I can see that, on the contrary, it has been all to my advantage. My hesitancy in speech, which was once an annoyance, is now a pleasure. Its greatest benefit has been that it has taught me the economy of words. I have naturally formed the habit of restraining my thoughts. And I can now give myself the certificate that a thoughtless word hardly ever escapes my tongue or pen. I do not recollect ever having had to regret anything in my speech or writing. I have thus been spared many a mishap and waste of time. Experience has taught me that silence is part of the spiritual discipline of a votary of truth. Proneness to exaggerate, to suppress or modify the truth, wittingly or unwittingly, is a natural weakness of man and silence is necessary in order to surmount it. A man of few words will rarely be thoughtless in his speech; he will measure every word. We find so many people impatient to talk. There is no chairman of a meeting who is not pestered with notes for permission to speak. And whenever the permission is given the speaker generally exceeds the time-limit, asks for more time, and keeps on talking without permission. All this talking can hardly be said to be of my benefit to the world. It is so much waste of time. My shyness has been in reality my shield and buckler. It has allowed me to grow. It has helped me in my discernment of truth"..

- MK Gandhi, The story of my experiements with truth

I am not a Gandhi fan. My superficial knowledge has made me conclude that had Gandhi settled for life in Natal, we would have gained independance atleast 20 to 30 years before 1947. But 100 pages into this book and I am amazed at the clarity and resoluteness in thoughts, humility in words and conviction in deeds that one man can show. I still havent stopped believing that he delayed our independance. May be after I am done with the book my belief will stand shattered..

New sykil

My 4 year old Hero Hawk hurts in the wrong places. After much consideration, thinking and thorough research (all of it lasting for a cumulative 15min), I bought this last Sunday.


A Hero Octane NV with 21 gears : Rs.7500
A ting-tong bell that reminds me of school: Rs.50
A sturdy red lock: Rs.300
A seat that hurts almost as much as the previous cycle and the inability/lack of 'meter' to tell mom the same: Priceless!

The last one is not entirely true actually. Just felt like exaggerating and adopting the MC ad here.

'Height' of joblessness

During the golden era of the Vijayanagara Empire, while cows slept, grazed and defecated, humans slept, ate, defecated and built these.

Shopping!

Vinu wore this jeans pant yesterday.


We went shopping after lunch to Garuda mall. As part of a 'well planned' shopping expedition, she was searching for jeans which satisfied these criteria:
1. Should fit. Even when she contorts her body at an obscene angle and tries to look at her backside that pant shouldn't show a crease out of place.
2. Should be of a dark shade.

After around 90 minutes of relentless trials (I think her back ached and she stopped looking behind with her 'own eyes' and used the mirror instead) she settled for this.


Blind or what! Ofcourse they are NOT the same. Doesn't look like subtlety is your middle name, does it. Tilt your head 90 degrees to the right, raise your left hand exactly 30 degrees, pucker and move the focus behind the pant.

See the difference? Enlightened? Well, I am!

Long distance running is no joke. In the initial stages of the 'training' atleast. Some history: Mumbai marathon is in Jan 09. TI India has formed a marathon club and we have an extremely fit and thoroughly motivating trainer in Keith Kuntz. I have been training for a couple of weeks now. A few short distance semi-sprints (3-4km in under 20 min)and one medium distance run (9-10km in 70 min) was my preparation level, until last Sunday that is. That is when we had our first 30km run. The emphasis was on completing it and not on how fast we complete it.

At 6:30am nine of us started on a 4 min run + 1 min walk strategy. Two rounds of 12.5km and one 5km round was to be completed at any comfortable pace. Drizzle and strong opposing winds were to accompany us for over 2 hours. The first 12.5km was surprisingly uneventful. All of us completed it in 75-80 min duration. 4 dropped off at this juncture. System evaluation showed that my legs were holding strong and I wasn't dehydrated either. After refilling our water cans we set out on the second round. 6-7 km into it, my right knee started reacting. It became increasing tough to restart after every 4+1 cycle. By then we were only 4. I kept pace with the front runners. But at the 20 mark the brain sent bright red signals to every body part. Screeeeeeech. 20 km in 2:15. I had to make it back alone to the entrance. That was aonther 3km in 00:30.

Total: 23km in 2:45. For a first timer, not bad.

One thing that Keith asked the team to remember every time we felt like giving up: How many people in my family have done this before? Believe me, this thought works wonders on your physical faculties. Another thing that kept me motivated: Keith is 39 and the fittest guy in the team is 45. If they can, I should.
Both of them completed 30 in 3:05. I was 4th at 23km.

And Saturday was a dream day too. Ofcourse there was a nice 7am sunshine and aiding north-east south west wind, but 2 stump uproots and 2 genuine outside edges in a single cricket practice session is something that has never happened and I can be proud of.

Climbing stairs took quite an effort. Had to take Monday off to recover. Waiting for the next weekend now.

A different Monday this one. French project managers on vacation. Japanese customers on vacation. Immediate boss on sick leave. Best time to do something about my writer's block.

Its been over 2 months since we returned from Darjeeling. With scarce water supply and filthy crowded streets teeming with Tata Spacio Gold pick-ups (Sumo look alikes. Havent seen them in B'lore) this 'hill-station' is just another K.R.Market at 7000 ft. Go there only if you hate your wife. Aah. MY wife. Let me say a thing or two about her here.

Affable
Beautiful: She looks best in white. Or is it green? I think it is blue. Nothing can beat red.
Chocoholic: Apt company to mom.
Delicate: Haven't protected anything more than her till date.
Emotional: Yet placid.
Forthcoming: I will hit you if you do this. Phutaak!
Gregarious: She will starve but wont eat alone.
Humble
Indecisive: Should I wear the ear-ring with white and silver beads or the one with silver and white beads? I
have an answer: The one in the left hand. What would she do in my absence?!
Jovial: Smiles always. Perpetual cause for her headaches.
Kkkkahani-lover: Ask her about the sixth husband to the fifth wife of a re-incarnated hero. Unlikely that she
wouldn't know him.
Kannada-handicap!
Movie-buff: I dont wanna talk about this.
PURE
Sensitive: Try calling her blind!
Temperate
Unpretentious: She is what she is and she loves being just that.
Vivacious: Ask mom what home feels like in her absence.
Wanderlust
Young at heart: I am jealous of this. Touchwood.
Zealous

I actually said 21 things about her. Thought I will write about some general stuff. No more for the day. My
fingers feel sweet. Let the sweet taste linger.

Mehendi mere naam ki

I've seen this photo on more than two instances today and every time the feeling has been the same.

"Wake up dude..See your name there?..Your dear girl has unconditionally shown faith in you.. Live up to it."


WOW!

But this came at a cost (that I was ready to pay). I wasnt allowed to play the opening match of the GREAT PTL CUP-08, which TI won.

And I have never savoured Filmfare awards either. Not the 1st. Not the 53rd. I cry foul play here!

One night in the morning..

It was quarter to ten when the bus finally started from the bus stand next to Maruti Mandira. I was in the second row aisle seat and there was company on the window seat. A colleague of mine. We were, for some reason that I currently can’t recollect, on this bus to Chennai that night. In the seat in front of me was this lady whom I thought I knew. Curiosity got the better of me and it was soon allayed at the sight of a couple of tickets in her hand that she was perusing. She wasn’t alone either.

I seemed to know for sure who she was with. Strangely she seemed to know that I knew. Invisible eyes at the back of her neck waited in anticipation.

“So you are taking him to your mother? An introduction session?”, I hated the sarcasm in my tone but it came naturally. Intention was clear: to prick with words. The attempt seemed futile though. “Mother is in the hospital. She has met him.”

I saw him through the open door by the front left Goodyear wheel of the red bus. There was sand interspersed with grass and for some strange reason he was shoveling on his haunches. I had expected it to be him and hoped it wasn’t. But it was him. The lump in my throat, and its involuntary formation, both were vexing. Amidst the irritation I realized the bus had started moving, but only a couple of meters later.

He was still digging and all he could manage in response was a glance from outside into the front seat window. He saw her. I saw him. She saw me seeing him with my right butt up. My mate was either fast asleep or not in her seat. I didn’t bother, for either ways I got a good look at him. His thick glasses gleamed in the street light but there was absolutely no sign of panicking. We moved a few meters further and he got back to his digging.

Guilty as hell

When it comes to making decisions in life, there are two categories of people. One is a category that gets to know once the decision is made. This group will give "oh ok" as a statement in return. The more loquacious ones here might say "Oh thats nice. I am happy for you".But the other is an integral part of the decision making process itself.

I want to be a good manager in the near future. And I learnt a very important lesson today, the hard way that too. People from the latter category are NEVER supposed to be moved to the former one. Doing that can be quite costly. Tears will roll, phones will be slammed and no matter how inadvertantly that might have happened, your intention will be doubted. In reality this might not be the case, but they will choose to believe that you have 'changed' and try to adjust themselves to you accordingly. They will never question why you changed this way, but will mutely hope that you haven't.

Not often do we get to make very important decisions in life, and in making those if we drop certain decision makers out, some real serious introspection will be needed. You can never convince them on why you did that because they have the reality in front of them. All you can do, and you HAVE to do, is convince yourself that you are still the same and let your actions speak in the future. Want to manage things better? Never repeat this mistake.

I wont.

Miles to go, promises to keep

No matter how long an empty stretch of road I see
No matter how tempted I am to rip at one twenty
I promise, my sweetheart, careless I shall never be
For it has dawned, my life is more important to you than to me

Let my empty stomach rumble, let my parched throat dry further
But in times when food sucks, how much ever interest you try to muster
I promise, my sweetheart, I wont eat or drink either
For I vow to stand by you always, and that includes thirst and hunger

There will be times when insanity will prevail and you would want to fight
Through the day you would argue, and prefer silence in the night
I promise, my sweetheart, I too will put up a good show with all my might
I shall succumb in the end though, for your happiness is what I prefer, to my being right

Passionate I am about a few things, which make me feel real happy and wise
Meetings and preachings I might skip, for the sake of these, I dont mind uttering a few lies
I promise, my sweetheart, but if it comes to choosing, I shall break all those ties
For only you are worth my dream, and on that I shall never compromise

The composition is only 80% complete. The rest will be scripted live, without rhymes or retakes, in the next 175 years .

Now how true is this?

"..Of the many things I was forced to realize in reflecting on the time spent with.., perhaps the most sobering and terrifying was the understanding that the strongest and deepest bonds we form in our lives are with people who know how to hurt us in the most devastating ways.."

I feel the other way is truer than this. You can get hurt only if you care.

Any opinions?

The year that was

I dont like flowers. Now the hate relationship has become mutual. The bunch of flowers that I bought last week (first ever in my life) didnt serve its intended purpose and ended up in a trash can in my office parking lot. A dark chocolate bar with a high percentage of cocoa content in it (70% actually) also conspired with the gerbaras and decided to melt inside its gift wrapper in the very hot afternoon sun the same day.

No cribs though. For 2007 has been the year of the bananas and this was the sweetest one that I got. There is still a today and a tomorrow to go, but I am confident that that was the last one too.

This is also going to set the tone for 2008. I RESOLVE..

..I am not going to get any more bananas for 08. How will I do that? Simple. Some people are born with limited faculties in the 'luck' department and I have realised I am one among those. I have even realised that my banana stock built up only because I did things that such people shouldn't be doing. No out of the way activities will imply no bananas. By the way, banana is a good friut for health but a solid ego-bruiser.

..I will resume cricket and guitar practice with the enthu I lost some time ago. Only these two can keep me sane. And ofcourse work @ office.

Short list, that one. Hope I get these going. I zeroed down on these on the banks of Malaprabha in the backyard of Pattadkal group of temples yesterday. Took mom and dad on a pilgrimage to our kuldevta and kuldevi in the remote interiors of North Karnataka yesterday (29th).

On 27th morn I got this sudden urge to purge my 2007_sins_bin and asked dad to cancel his solo year end trip to his ancestral god's abode. Mom is eveready to sit in the car provided it satisfies 2 criteria. I drive it. And the destination is not some traffic laden street in Bangalore. 1200 km and her son, Sameer Joshi, the sole driver, were enough to get her ready for the journey in a couple of minutes. And so we set out just after dawn on 28th December on a 3 day pilgrimage to Bhairamatti (dad's kuladevta sits here) and Banashankari (Badami, mom's kuladevi stands here). Pattadkal is nearby too and hence a visit.

They are a happy couple now. Proof..


Bhairamatti appa was happy too.


And so am I. I am PURGED you see.

The only unhappy candidate is the car. Came back with a one stop strategy covering 410 km in 6.5 hrs. It is still crying. Anyways, a very memorable and fruitful trip we had. Personally my shoulder blades are moving like as if some invisible hand has depressed the SHIFT key in the power point presentation called life.

AND AND AND..

I am renewing my 'you hate me I will hate you contract' with flowers. Its absolute this time.

Somnathpur and RangantiTTu

K7 and I had a memorable outing to the above two places last Saturday (22nd Dec). For two reasons I link to his travelogue. I am lazy. He writes better.

Tour de Bangalore

Title courtesy : K7

The last time I did some serious cycling was sometime in 2004 when I was in Chennai. I used to cycle, once every month on an average, from campus in Guindy to my LG's (local guardian, my mom's younger sis) place near Koyambedu. That was apprximately 20 km. On Chennai's relatively flat roads that distance would be traversed in approximately 90 minutes.

Now that I have moved in with my friend to his place just under 3 km from office, after more than 3 years I got this sudden josh to use my Hero Hawk to commute to office. The 'big thing' then was to take the cycle from Vijayangar to CV Raman Nagar, separated approximately by 18 km. Big thing because I completed 25 last month and because the last time I even slept facing the cycle was more than an year ago. Hadnt even bothered to clean it on 2 consecutive Ayudha poojas and was apprehensive that the ayudha would abhor my ass on its seat and cause some irreversible damages.

Surprisingly mom and dad were quite cool about this new found enthusiam in me. Dad was interested in the time I would take to erach office. Some encouragement that one. After some oiling and general conditioning on Saturday afternoon, I started from home at 11 on Sunday morn, with Don Williams crooning in my headset. It was quite sunny and breezy too. I started at a fast pace and then near Anand Rao Circle area I realized I will not make it if I dont slow down. From then on it was more of a pleasure ride, drying all the sweat that had crept down my back during the jawani ki josh phase (first 20 min). Unlike Chennai, this shity never has a decent stretch of flat road. I made it to office in 80 minutes.

It wasnt meant to be a pleasure ride and it wasnt either. Just had to prove a point to myself: I am fit. Occasaionaly I saw a Innova or a Baverian Motor Works car pass by with just the driver in it and cursed them to heart's content. But all along there was this picture in my mind that I tried to keep pushing to the background, with little success though. It was the picture of a red Zma and a mountain mist Wagon-R, hand in hand, shining bright in the afternoon sun, grinning impishly from headlight to headlight.

Samarkhand! That is where I headed after the sun bath. A 'high flying' friend of mine was spending his last weekend here and wanted to treat a few dosts before flying away. We were 5. I was the odd man out, in the sense that the farthest I have gone overseas is the Elephanta caves off Mumbai's coast. The remaining 4 are flourishing or soon to flourish associates/business analysts/traders. So they basically keep flying. The dood who treated was in Singapore 2 weekends ago, in Chicago last weekend, in India this weekend and will be flying to Dubai next weekend.Somehow I couldn't help comparing this to my being in Shivajinagar 2 weekends ago, in Vijayanagar last weekend and CV Raman Nagar this weekend and didnt try keeping back my sense of feeling tiny. He would have gone back and told his wife "Honey I shrunk Josh"!

I came home and slept early. Had to heal two paining body parts. A bruised ego and a bruised ass. The former is doing good now, but my ass.. mummy..

If you cant flaunt it, its not worth having it.

I have a lot of bachelor friends in office. They are more of friends than colleagues. From the outside all of them seem to be happy and cheerful. The more I am with them, the more I wonder. Is there no trouble that haunts them? Is there no grief that hurts? How are they so sanguine always?

To say the least, these doubts are only philosophical and rhetorical.But why did I get these doubts in the first place? I guess it is this. To my friend's soul and mind, I am an outsider. I have no clue on what is happening inside and my inference is based on only what the visage projects. I trivialise all the biological and chemical reactions that are happening inside him because I dont see them and naively conclude that, if he smiles, he must be happy.

I am enlightened! Here lies the solution to all my problems. I need to look at myself from an outsider's perspective. Only then I think I can trivialise them as if they are not mine and smile at them.

I think I know how to make things work in this direction. Let me know if this thought process seemed logical.